


Day #27: Bright

by Accal1a



Series: December Nickels Insanity [27]
Category: Cut & Run - Madeleine Urban & Abigail Roux, Sidewinder Series - Abigail Roux
Genre: Angst, Introspection, M/M, Songfic, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-07 14:36:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16855819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Accal1a/pseuds/Accal1a
Summary: Kelly thinks about Nick whilst he is deployed, and thinks back to his own deployment.





	Day #27: Bright

**Author's Note:**

> Bright Eyes - Art Gartfunkel

**Is it a kind of a dream?**  
**Floating out on the tide**  
**Following the river of death downstream**  
**Oh, is it a dream?**

Kelly wakes up from nightmares frequently, sweat pouring from him, calling out for Sidewinder. He knows he calls out for Nick more often, but he's by no means the only one he calls for.

He knows he's no-one's next of kin, knows that he wouldn't be the one who received two marines on a doorstep. Panics for a bit because he worries that he wouldn't be told, that no-one would think to loop him in; but he knows Zane wouldn't do that to him. He hopes he wouldn't.

Sometimes he dreams of good things, of his friends hanging out, of holding hands with Nick and taking a walk. Those nights are the worst. He wakes up with a smile on his lips and then an immediate ache in his heart.

**There's a fog along the horizon**  
**A strange glow in the sky**  
**And nobody seems to know where it goes**  
**And what does it mean?**  
**Oh, is it a dream?**

More and more, he dreams of his own deployment, of the horrors he saw over there. He dreams of blood and noise and sand, of a desperate desire to get through, to get home, to be safe. He had a team then though, a team he would bleed and die for. He didn't have a team anymore, and they didn't have him.

The idea that any of them could be hurt and there was nothing he could do save them, that he may be the one point that _could_ save them that then caused tragedy due to his absence, nearly drove him insane. 

**Bright eyes, burning like fire**  
**Bright eyes, how can you close and fail?**  
**How can the light that burned so brightly**  
**Suddenly burn so pale?**  
**Bright eyes**

Kelly loved Nick's eyes. 

The way they changed subtly depending on his emotion. The way they seemed to shimmer and glow when he was happy or aroused; the way they went hard and cold when he was angry; the hollow look they got when he was mourning.

Kelly missed Nick's eyes.

He was starting to forget what they looked like though, as if they were a picture left out too long in the sun that had started to fade. He knew they were green and he knew he loved them, but he didn't know their precise hue anymore.

That seemed like a goddamn tragedy.

**Is it a kind of a shadow?**  
**Reaching into the night**  
**Wandering over the hills unseen**  
**Or, is it a dream?**

The longer his team were deployed without him, the less Kelly believed they would come back. 

He spent hours on the deck of his cabin, trying to imagine what they might be doing at any one moment, continuously calculating the time difference and trying to guess what was happening.

It was merely an exercise to keep his brain going. The truth of the matter was he had absolutely no idea where these men were in the world, what they were doing, whether they were even together.

It kept him mostly sane though, so he clung to the ritual. There was nothing else he could do.

**There's a high wind in the trees**  
**A cold sound in the air**  
**And nobody ever knows when you go**  
**And where do you start?**  
**Oh, into the dark**

When Nick returned, Kelly finally took his first deep breath in months. Having him in his arms again was something close to perfection.

Over a month or so, Kelly realised that the Nick that had returned, the Sidewinder that had returned, wasn't the group that had left. Nick's eyes weren't the same. His manner wasn't the same. His _soul_ wasn't the same.

Kelly hoped he could tease the Nick he once knew back out into the light. It would be the worst fate of all if he couldn't.

Nick's eyes deserved to glow.

**Author's Note:**

> Come and visit the [Cut & Run Discord Server](https://discord.gg/vvy6c76) and join us as we discuss/scream about this awesome series.


End file.
